In school

This is the first time I've posted onto this since I've come to school. I'm in Philadelphia attending Temple. I'm majoring in film and I just decided recently that I'm minoring in philosophy. I joined a band here. They're basically typical metalcore, but they have potential. I'm hoping to create a vortex of uniqueness within their ranks sometime soon.

I still want to start my dream band; it'd be a cross between the screamo or emo violence from the late 90's like Saetia or like Circle Takes The Square type stuff, really fun and silly stuff that is heavy and lighthearted at the same time like Heavy Heavy Low Low, and then I'd play keyboards over all of that. The whole band would have vocal duties and it would be absolute equality. We'd create music for us, to everyone. For example, every member will ideally get a mic or share them. Between songs, we'd all talk as if just conversing with a group of friends. Maybe even just talk to each other. We'd write music. It wouldn't have genre rules like "you can't put this there" or "you can't use this riff" or whatever. Yes, I'd like it to embody the qualities set forth by those other genres, but it'd be its own thing above all. Everyone loves a good breakdown and everyone loves a nice interlude... that kind of stuff would stick. Everything else just happens. And like I said, I'd play keyboards, which I've grown to love. I'm no guitar man and I just attack drums. The keyboard is just right in front of me and I can do anything I practice enough. So far, I only really know a few chords, a few scales, and two HORSE the band songs. It'll be a learning experience. Anyway, I'm done rambling about that for now.

Speaking of HORSE, I saw them on Friday night at First Unitarian. It was the best I've seen them yet. It was the first time for me at that venue and I love the room. No flashy colored lights and no cigarette smoke. No barriers, no security. Short stage. Energetic yet reasonable kids. Clean bathroom. Sitting space. It's great there. But yeah, the best I've seen them yet. Heard a couple songs for the first time live: Hyperborea, Seven Tentacles and Eight Flames, Octopus On Fire, and Kangarooster Meadows. It was great. Erik signed the shirt I bought with this neat "Lord Gold" text and his face on it. And I was the kid that brought the Sharpie; a good handful of kids got their stuff signed thanks to my ingenuity. It made me feel good. The sweaty walk back to the subway felt fantastic in the cool air. I'm so sore right now. My neck, back, thighs, shoulders... I hurt all over. I leave no other band's show that damaged unless my band opened for it. Still, I get much more hurt being in HORSE's crowd than I do flailing onstage.

It's very late. Or early. And I'm not tired at all.

jewel

My cat was taken to the vet this week after progressively throwing up more and more often over the course of two or three months. It used to be only once or twice every two weeks or so, but now it's to the point where it's once or more per day. The vet initially suspected hyperthyroid to be the explanation, but after some bloodwork, it became clear that it was not the case. The only evidence of any kind of problem in the bloodwork was a high white blood cell count. So, there's something wrong, but they don't know what. If what she has isn't figured out through normal testing that doesn't cost hundreds of dollars, then she'll be put to sleep. I've lived with this cat since I was seven years old. I'm almost eighteen, and the thought of her exiting my life is like losing a family member. She can barely climb stairs or even stand for long periods of time. It's gonna be hard for me; I've never lost a pet before. If she's in pain, it's probably best, right? I hope so. I feel really young and small as I write about it. I feel seven again because now is the time that I must appreciate her fully. I never appreciate anything until it's in danger of leaving my life. I hate that.

hmm

I'm content with my life for now. I don't have anything profound to write. I need to remember to do it when it's actually on my mind. I'll write a note.

pulse

I feel my pulse behind my eyes.

may twenty fifth

I ate an Arby's feast and I'm very full. Our last day of high school was Friday and summer has officially started. In three short months I'll be departing for film school. I'm really excited to be able to start a creative career. This summer we're hoping to do at least two big projects and one music video.

the ins and outs

My life is typical. Life is typical. I have a lot of good things happening and a lot of bad things happening. My problem is that the negative things have so much more power. I can easily say "I'm having a bad day." I could count on one hand the times in my life I've said "I'm having a good day." I've never said "I'm having a great day," but I often say "What a horrible day." Why is negativity so strong? Why does it hold so much more weight? I don't understand that lack of balance. Buddhism says that life is suffering, so perhaps happiness is rare for a reason; we must suffer constantly in order to truly enjoy the good times. Otherwise, life would be really dull I suppose. It's just dealing with it, I guess.

my signature

I've been trying to make a signature for myself that I can be able to do repeatedly and have it look unique, but you can actually read my name in it. I'm not doing it to be pretentious, I just want to like how my name looks when I write it. That's basically the extent of exciting activity going on at this moment.