jewel

My cat was taken to the vet this week after progressively throwing up more and more often over the course of two or three months. It used to be only once or twice every two weeks or so, but now it's to the point where it's once or more per day. The vet initially suspected hyperthyroid to be the explanation, but after some bloodwork, it became clear that it was not the case. The only evidence of any kind of problem in the bloodwork was a high white blood cell count. So, there's something wrong, but they don't know what. If what she has isn't figured out through normal testing that doesn't cost hundreds of dollars, then she'll be put to sleep. I've lived with this cat since I was seven years old. I'm almost eighteen, and the thought of her exiting my life is like losing a family member. She can barely climb stairs or even stand for long periods of time. It's gonna be hard for me; I've never lost a pet before. If she's in pain, it's probably best, right? I hope so. I feel really young and small as I write about it. I feel seven again because now is the time that I must appreciate her fully. I never appreciate anything until it's in danger of leaving my life. I hate that.

hmm

I'm content with my life for now. I don't have anything profound to write. I need to remember to do it when it's actually on my mind. I'll write a note.

pulse

I feel my pulse behind my eyes.

may twenty fifth

I ate an Arby's feast and I'm very full. Our last day of high school was Friday and summer has officially started. In three short months I'll be departing for film school. I'm really excited to be able to start a creative career. This summer we're hoping to do at least two big projects and one music video.

the ins and outs

My life is typical. Life is typical. I have a lot of good things happening and a lot of bad things happening. My problem is that the negative things have so much more power. I can easily say "I'm having a bad day." I could count on one hand the times in my life I've said "I'm having a good day." I've never said "I'm having a great day," but I often say "What a horrible day." Why is negativity so strong? Why does it hold so much more weight? I don't understand that lack of balance. Buddhism says that life is suffering, so perhaps happiness is rare for a reason; we must suffer constantly in order to truly enjoy the good times. Otherwise, life would be really dull I suppose. It's just dealing with it, I guess.

my signature

I've been trying to make a signature for myself that I can be able to do repeatedly and have it look unique, but you can actually read my name in it. I'm not doing it to be pretentious, I just want to like how my name looks when I write it. That's basically the extent of exciting activity going on at this moment.

a place to just write

Nobody reads MySpace blogs with purpose or meaningful replies. This is a place to just write.