gooob

I had Mr. Softee. Vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. The chocolate soft serve was broken, otherwise I'd have gotten chocolate with chocolate sprinkles.

I saw people handing out Marxist propaganda at the bell tower today. Instead of just focusing on ignoring them, I felt like they were doing something meaningful.

I really like Randy Taylor's character on Home Improvement. He's a smart guy.

amber handbag sandpaper glamour mag

Really hot weather just suddenly happened. Spring was skipped entirely. Winter died down and then summer just popped up out of turn.

So I just got the confirmation that Heavy Heavy Low Low is down to be interviewed about the current efforts to reform marijuana law. I'm really glad to get to do this. I have ten solid questions and hopefully other little sidenotes come up. Yeah!

Otherwise, I'm just pressing my way through the rest of this semester. I'm just done with it. Even my favorite class is starting to get boring.

Seeing Russian Circles tomorrow at The Church. Listen to their song in my player over yonder and you'll see how much you're missing out on.

Oleander Smooth

I'm slowly beginning to realize how uninspired I really am. I think I need something really horrible to happen to me. I have no plight feeding me. No real emotional drive besides confusion and blind ambition. I'm like a creative vehicle with no fuel. Lyrics and poetry aren't over my head, but I don't have any reason to create it besides just wanting to. I have no foundation. My life is too simple and generally good, and that's bad for me. I think I need failure, shame, loss, or something. I have nothing pushing me forward besides the fact that I want to succeed, but I think I need to fail first. I want to go out to dinner with friends. I need to make friends, but I think I hold my traits in too high of a regard. That is, I feel like noone else can relate to what I've got in my head, my mind. I think that some of that will ease during next year when I'm surrounded by philosophy majors. People with depth. People down to earth and in the clouds simultaneously. Or maybe I need to make compromises. Find people in between. Everybody is so contrived in this generation, including me. Everybody wants to be clever. Everybody puts on that clever face and makes a remark. Everybody laughs at that remark with their that-was-clever laugh, hoping that what they've just laughed at was indeed clever and in that moment assessing his or her wit and the wit of he or she whom she just laughed at. Everybody wants to be hilarious. Everybody wants to speak with meaning, including me. I don't really think I do. I mean, want to speak with meaning. I think I appreciate thinking with meaning more than saying it. I keep so much to myself. I don't think I'm afraid of being judged. Maybe afraid of being misunderstood or not understood altogether. Maybe just enjoying that I have those thoughts. Feeling like I understand something about anything, at least in my own little way-- my own little way that I perceive to have incredible meaning, but that is relative. People ten years older than me may find something deep that I'd find earth-shattering or vice versa. Or maybe what I find mindblowing they find phenomenal. It depends on who truly has wisdom and who is just outdated. I think that I will become outdated, my way of feeling, my way of perceiving, my way of reacting to my environment. I realized for the first time a few weeks ago how I'm supposed to smile into a camera. It feels like I'm the actual expression a clown has painted on his face, but it looks good to the camera. It used to look something like a modest mugshot or a driver's license photograph of someone who's unsure whether they should be receiving the permission to operate an automobile. Now it looks good and it took me a handful of years to discover. Will it be like that for everything? If something so small took years, will something as large as locating my creativity be found in decades? Never?

underground highland windsurfer unit

I don't know what that title means.

I haven't written anything in a while. Partly because nobody reads this, and partly because nothing has happened. Right now, I've realized that nothing happening is something that has happened, so here I am writing.

I've officially decided on changing my major. Film school is bogus and I'll break into the industry through my writing. If I become a director, it'll be through osmosis. The Charlie Kaufman path. Except I won't make it when I'm near forty. I'll make it within five years after college.

That's my goal. And after college, I'm moving to Los Angeles. I've decided. I'll have written scripts and I'll get an agent to peddle them. I'll become more cultured and I'll be surrounded by everything.

Back to the major change thing. I'm becoming a philosophy major. It's a useless major in the grand scheme of things, but to me it will make me a more well-rounded thinker and writer. I know little bits and pieces of philosophical things, but there's way more out there. Do you know who Xavier Zubiri is? Neither did I until I randomly stumbled across the name on Wikipedia. I'll learn about him and every other obscure philosopher and all the obscure writings of popular philosophers.

I will move to Los Angeles and write. I hope to also make music there. There are no musicians here in Philadelphia who want to play the music I want to play. My music taste is too fucked up. Not too fucked up for California though, I'd bet. So yeah, there's that.

I dropped the film class that has me use a camera and delves into classical film history. Fuck that. The camera is dog shit and film history is something I can learn on my own. Fuck Sergei Eisenstein.

I understand that philosophy can also be learned by just looking on my own, but this is something I'd like a little bit of guidance in. I don't need guidance to watch movies.

The weather is becoming sunny and t-shirt compatible. I'm happy with this. I can't wait to have my first collegiate summer. I have so many goals. I'm getting a new job as a film projectionist--

Why that job rules:
a) no human interaction
b) watch movies I might not watch otherwise
c) work with real film
d) be able to say that I'm a film projectionist
e) earn seven dollars an hour by sitting still
f) time for reading, which I really need to start doing
g) access to movies before their releases
h) access to advertisements like posters, cardboard cutouts, etc.
i) no co-workers except my trainer who is my good friend
j) sitting in a cool, dark room for hours on end
k) free popcorn (?) maybe candy (???)
l) working at a historical theater with a gigantic screen
m) discounted tickets when I'm not working

The list goes on.

I'm still hoping to develop a program pitch with David for Adult Swim. We have a general idea that we love, but we need to form it. If that happens, then we'll be seeing a lot of Atlanta.

I've picked up my keyboard this week after a long hiatus from it. I learned the riffs from Take On Me and Born To Run yesterday. Very joy-inducing. That is, the riffs. And learning them. Joy all around. My repertoire now includes:

Cutsman by HORSE the band (full)
A Million Exploding Suns by " (intro)
Sex Raptor by " (intro and verse)
Soaring Quails by " (full)
Heroes Die by " (full)
Abstract Art by Born Of Osiris (breakdown)
Murders Come With Smiles by Dance Club Massacre (intro and verse one)
Lawrence and Friends Theme Song by Erik Engstrom (full)
Take On Me by A-Ha (the catchy part)
Born To Run by Bruce Springsteen (the happy part)

oh, and

Lollipop by Lil' Wayne (I even have the exact sound from the recording woohoo)

So I want to practice that more often. I think I'll pick up the guitar this summer and at least try to develop some punk/screamo skills because trying to learn metal was an epic fail for me. Learn some chords too, maybe. All I know is C, G, Em, A, Am, D, Dm.

Hmm, what else... Contract on my cell phone finally expired. Get to pick a new one. I'm thinking the LG Dare, but Michelle says to wait it out until the summer for new models.

Ooo, Born Of A Broken Man just came on.
I'm hungry.

chew chew

I'm feeling a lot better.

ahhh

Everything hurts. I want to grow up in 1.5 speed. I want to experience it all, but a little bit quicker. Last night, I thought about not waking up because I had this pulsing head pain and I was roasting. It was scary. I really don't want to become nothing.

I'm Ill

I have the flu. Everything hurts. The screen makes my eyes water. I may have to go to the Dillinger show with the flu. Everytime I blow my nose, I think I'm waking my roommate. They really should make tissues two tissues thick. I always use two. I only ever use one if a little extra fluid lines the edge of my nostril. I guess Puffs thought of that.