chicken nachos

I had dinner at my roommate from last year's apartment. It was very good. He made us chicken nachos with black beans. They were really good.

behind the door

I had a long, gassy day. I ate my lunch too quickly and that resulted in me having to suppress burps all day. Stinky Chinese burps.

The highlight of the day was an encounter with one of my classmates in poetry. My desk is behind the door, just beside the doorstop installed into the floor. When I was standing beside it putting on my sweatshirt as we were packing up to go, she trapped me behind the door as she was leaving and looked at me through the glass of the door. I made the "zombie cancer" face from the Awesome Center cartoon and she laughed and let me go. She's very nice and she is fair. She calls people out when they are overanalyzing things. Her outside knowledge of poetry brings on a hint of pretentiousness every now and then, but in general her comments are founded. The best thing, though, is that's she's a lesbian and she is very much one of the guys. I overheard her in conversation once talking about how a girl was cute with some other guys in my class and it made me smile. Also, I think I once overheard her say that she was a drummer and that she filled in for the drummer of Algernon Cadwallader on a tour once. I should try to conversate with her about that. She's that kind of rare person that I think I'd enjoy hanging out with. Usually, I only feel that way about people I look up to, or people named Dave Meyers or Jake Schroer. Hopefully something comes out of this. If nothing does, I'll regret it for the rest of my life every now and then. It's one of those things.

I'm listening to the new Russian Circles album actively for the first time right now. It's very good. So far, I like track two the best. I think it will stay that way.

My nose has been running all day in a way that feels like condensation is just slowly and constantly building up on the inside of my nostril. It's really irritating. Also, my sinuses feel swollen and this makes it so I can't blow my nose very effectively.

I wrote all over my left hand today as I listened to people's shitty poetry analyses. Is that the proper pluralization of analysis? My spell check is calling me an asshole. Fuck it. Anyway, I wrote all over my hand. There's stars and bubbles and lines and squares and circles and ovals and words and triangles and punctuation and hiragana and reminders and sentences and the word "DERP" written vertically down the side of my palm.

I can feel the twenty chicken wings from last night swimming through my intestines.

there's a nice purple lion beside me

I need to make it a point to post in this a little more often. Thoughts that aren't so big that happen on a day to day basis are interesting. I want to try to preserve those. Also, I want to preserve the mood that I get in every now and then where I become very blue and decide that I'm motivated enough to do just about anything. I was in that mood for most of the day yesterday, but it's mostly gone now. I don't like the fact that it's gone now. It's so fleeting. I need it. Otherwise, I'm a pile of lazy gunk.

I really need to get back into the position where I can write and perform music. I need to find musicians that are good and that I can easily communicate my ideas with. I'm not good enough as an instrumentalist to produce anything of my own, but one of the only things that I'll ever be confident in is the fact that I'm a pretty decent vocalist and that I have the ability to think up music and communicate it to people who can execute it and also supplement it with the ideas that they have. I had a taste of that when I was in Lest We Forget. One of the best passages of music that we wrote in that band was due in great part to a thought that I tried really hard to communicate to the T and it turned out to be very good. I need to be in that kind of atmosphere again, except this time in a style of music that I really love. I want to combine every kind of music that I like into a huge style that has a few foundations and endless possibilities.

My girlfriend printed out a coloring page of a cute lion and she colored it in with different shades of purple for me. I like it a lot.

I need to find a way to reach out into this big, muddled mass that society is today and find people who share my desire to make good music. Explosions In The Sky got started because one of the members put up some fliers. Nothing is that easy anymore. Even with convenient things like Craigslist around, it seems that the only people that want to play music nowadays are between the ages of thirteen and seventeen and they either want to play music like Paramore or Alesana.

The generations after me are complete garbage and the generations before me are so goddamned respectable. I'm part of the little hairline crack between them. Being born in 1990 is a pain in the ass.

headaches

I've been getting frequent and unexplainable headaches for the past three days. The first occurrence seemed to have been triggered by somebody asking really stupid questions that didn't further the discussion and were for their own personal stupid curiosity in one of my lecture classes, and they just keep returning at random times. Specifically, the pain comes from the left side of my head and emanates around the rest of my skull. It's the kind of headache that I consider hitting my head against something to relieve. Three Advil does a good job of getting rid of it for a couple hours, and then I return to this state where I feel like it could hit at any moment, and if anything aggravates me at all, it could come back at a moment's notice. I have one right now.

I haven't typed on this in a while, but since the last time I did, we've finally put together a complete line-up for atta boy. Dave is on guitar, my brother Sam is on drums, and I'm on bass and occasional keyboard. Both Dave and I want do vocals. I like that it's a three piece. A good tight set of people who can work well together. A band of five has way too many opinions flying around.

We've completed our album concept for our first effort. It's going to be called "sojourn". It's going to be six tracks long, which tempts us to call it an e.p., but calling anything an e.p. is generally lame, I think-- especially for our first effort. I don't want to explain any further about it though, because I want to leave room for anyone who listens to it to interpret it for themselves. If anybody thereafter asks me what it means, they forfeit their own interpretation. I actually don't know if I should even tell anybody. The album has a concept though.

We start writing for the first track next weekend and continuing the weekend after that. We hope to finish most of, if not all of, track one in that time. Track one is going to be called "Eyelids". We might post rough boombox recordings on the myspace of us working the song out. It will be completely instrumental and about five minutes long.

That's about it for now.

In bed.

I feel like there's a lot ahead of me. I feel like i'm going to miss something. I need to begin something. I want to befriend people that i look to for advice. I think i'm living strangely. I want something. I'm delirious. inb4 angsty collegiate musings.

Word

Right now, I'm in bed in a house in Outer Banks. My family rented a house for the week. The weather has been really nice and I'm getting sunburn for the first time. I'm going to have to make my hair black again when I get home. But yeah, I'm pretty sure the hole in the ozone layer was right above the beach today. I was wearing sunscreen and I still got a little crisp.

Let's see, life...
I've been having a decent summer. I'd like to be hanging out with friends more often, but otherwise it's been decent. I won $25,000 from Stride Gum, so I didn't have to get a job. Most of it went to paying off school, but I kept 5,000 for myself. I got a Wii, some games, got my PS3 fixed, took my friends out to dinner, and I'm getting a 50" plasma with speakers for my dorm. Honestly, I feel like a piece of shit because of it, and some of my friends make me feel like shit for it. I know that I don't deserve the money, but I make it a point to be as generous as possible with it.

Other than that anomaly, everything is the same. I wish I were playing music, but I'm not. Me and Dave started up an underground rap project, but that's been stagnant for a couple weeks. We decided on inviting my brother to play drums for my dream project that will never happen. I hope it actually comes together.

I have some solid ideas for my script now. I'll start those really soon.

I'm some kind of poser, because I'm not sure what I like on my own. It seems like I model people around me too much.

I want the new HORSE album to come out now so I can start enjoying music again. I'm so bored of music. The last good album that I've bought that I was actually able to listen to over and over again was the new #12, but I've played a hole in that thing. Jon Karel owns the drums. I tried to quell the hunger with that new Poison The Well album, but it's just not catchy enough for me. It's damn good music, but I can't get into it too well.

I need to do so many things, but I'm so unmotivated. I think I like doing nothing too much. I want to paint, write, learn keyboard, do crafts, go places, etc., but I don't feel like it.

I've been riding my bike a lot lately. I think the week before we left to come here, I rode a total of about fifty miles over the course of four days. It feels good to be outside and doing something.

Dave's phone is broken and that's a piss in my ass. It's my fault though. I chose not to buy umbrella from the umbrella man before in started pouring in Central Park before the Explosions In The Sky show. I'm an idiot.

I'm such a horrible combination of bottled up creativity and relentless laziness.