I found out that Jewel died while I was in New York City a few weekends ago. My mom called while I was there, but she didn't want to ruin my fun by telling me. I found out when I went home on the weekend of the 26th-28th. She rotted for three days underneath some long grass. She chose a shaded place. A few nights ago, I saw her silhouette in my foyer. I didn't say 'bye yet because I want to see it again. Next time I will, but only if she promises to show up every now and again.
That weekend that I found out, I came home for two things. One was the CD release show of the band that I was kicked out of for going to college, and they still owe me somewhere between 300 and 450 dollars for my cut of earnings. I don't complain about it anymore because it makes me feel like a dick, but I could definitely use that money. Even so, I went and supported. I played a song with them. I upset Matty. He was the bassist when I was the singer. Now he's the singer. People say that he thinks I upstaged him. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to upset anybody; it was a milestone evening for those guys. Hah, when I asked one of them how much the CD cost, I expected a copy to be handed to me. Instead, I was told that I could "download it online from one of them if I wanted." They all know that I hate not owning the physical record. So I had to buy one, all the while them owing me a large sum of money. I hate what money does to music. And friends.
I'm still with the band I joined here in Philly. I decided that leaving would be wrong of me considering I said that I'd be solid. I did what I originally said I wouldn't do and I meddled with their writing process and gave a speech about uniqueness without trying to offend them. If any of you guys ever read this, I mean no offense. People may like it, but I consider it boring music. However, they all sort of took what I said to heart and we're gonna try to write interesting stuff. Still, I want my dream band to come to life. NO ONE on campus seems to like my kind of music, and if they do, it's one or two bands thrown into a grab bag of Fall Out Boys and Say Anythings and Metro Stations. Philly in general seems to be, for the most part, absolutely desolate in terms of having an outstanding music scene. Few bands that I know of came out of this city, and only one local band that I know of truly stands out to me so far. They're called John Fonda.
My life is, aside from my musical aspirations and boring college courses, absolutely stable. I have a girlfriend that I care for very much and a nice, small group of people that I know here. I occasionally see classmates from high school, which is comforting. But at the same time, I'm forced to feel kind of bored. I sort of want something that really challenges my creativity and imagination. All I've had like that so far is a small film project based on displaying a space within two minutes with multiple angles. That was boring. I did jack shit in pre-meditating anything or deciding what I would do; I just filmed what I saw in my space (the Broad and South Street garden) that I found interesting. Even so, my project was probably in the top three for the receiving of classmate comments. Most other people planned their shots, even storyboarded. I feel like I can't express myself at all. I'm in a (currently) flat, undynamic band and am stuck in an entry level film course because I don't know how to use fancy cameras. Sure, other people have way more meaningful problems in this world, but this is about the worst that can happen to me that isn't absolutely extraordinary. I need to be able to think and make good things or else I'm bored and content. I'd rather be active and jubilant.
HORSE, come back to Philadelphia.
No comments:
Post a Comment